Sunday, May 10, 2020, will be my first Mothers Day without my mama. She passed away 3 days before Christmas 2019. So far I’ve celebrated Christmas, my birthday, my aunt’s birthday, and my daddy’s birthday without her. Her birthday is coming up on May 16th, and my sister’s birthday is May 10th as well. I’ve been able to navigate these celebrations pretty well so far. I mean, of course, there were tears, but I managed. I don’t think it will be the same for Mother’s Day.
The crazy thing is I’ve been trying to prepare myself for Mother’s Day since March. It’s been advertised everywhere since Spring Break. Normally,If my mom wanted anything specific she would tell me in April. My fondest memory is her asking for an expensive perfume. My mom lost her sight due to her disease, so her since of smell was heightened. My sisters, and dad were not allowed to purchase the perfume. Only me. She didn’t trust them to buy her what she wanted. I purchased her a bottle of Gucci Guilty. When she received it in the mail, she smelled it and said that it was the best smelling perfume she ever smelled. She also told my sisters not to touch it, unless she asked for it. Oh and if they tried to sneak a little spray she knew it and would call me to tell me about it.
Here’s how I plan on celebrating my first motherless Mother’s Day.
I plan on starting the day by meditating and focusing on my mom. I have her casket insert setup with flowers and candles. Starting my day with meditation helps me focus. I recently learned from a friend that my setup is called an “Ancestor Alter.” I was not intentionally setting it up, it looked really nice until I found a permanent location for it in my office. I love to sit there and connect with her.
Next, I plan on soaking in a nice bubble bath. My mom loved bubble baths. I’m a shower girl, but I do occasionally enjoy a nice long soak, followed by a shower. I also plan on listening to music that reminds me of her. I’m sure there will be tears, but also laughter. My mom was the funniest woman I know. I have tons of memories of her telling stories and jokes. I’m prepared to cry and laugh because a good cry is needed from time to time.
FaceTime with Family
My family will get to celebrate her by going to her grave and laying flowers. I can’t be there because of COVID-19 and it really makes me sad. I’m crying typing this. I want to be there with my family but I know that’s not possible right now. My sisters will FaceTime me when they get there. Being there with them, even virtually, brings me comfort.
My sister’s and I recognize how hard this is going to be for all of us including my dad. We celebrated his birthday a couple days ago and asked him what he wanted. He replied “Nothing, what are we gonna do for you mom for Mother’s Day?” It’s going to be an emotional day for everyone but the one thing that makes it a little easier is knowing that we will have each others back.
Buying Her A Gift
Celebrating her is important to me. I plan on buying new flowers to put beside her casket insert. Since I can’t visit her grave, the flowers help me feel connected. I also commissioned someone to do a self portrait for me. It feels weird not getting her any thing. I mean, I can’t hear her voice, or physically touch her to give her a hug. Heaven doesn’t have a phone! So this is my way of honoring her being THEE. VERY. BEST. MOTHER.
Enjoy Being Celebrated
While celebrating my mom on Mother’s Day is especially important, I also understand that I have to allow my boys to celebrate me as well. I want my boys to have the same fond memories of me that I have of my mother during these special holidays.
I plan to get as cute as possible (Quarantine Chic) and spend the day with them. The only thing that has been revealed to me is that I will get some “me time” the first part of the day. If I know my boys like I think I do, the plans will include; gift giving, breakfast in bed, water balloons, grilled food, family game night, and mom to mop and clean what they tried to clean. I will enjoy every single moment of it.
The emotions are still very raw. I still cry when I think of her. I still laugh uncontrollably when I think of her. I still get choked up telling my kids stories about her. I still get nervous when I hear people talk about her, in fear that they will get emotional, which in return will make me emotional. There is no rule book on how to celebrate a Motherless Mother’s Day as young adult. So I’m going to do my best, and so should you.
If you are celebrating a Motherless Mother’s Day… Do your best. That’s all you can do. That’s all to be expected. If you spend the day crying, that’s your best! If you spend the day at her grave site, that’s your best. If you spend the day journalling about your emotions, that’s your best. I just want you to remember that she is a huge reason, (maybe the reason) you are the woman you are today. You are her Best! Know that you are not alone. I’m sure it will feel that way on social media, tv, and everywhere. But you are not alone. I’m sending all the love, and positive energy your way.
Thank you for this reminder that is motherless daughters are not alone on Mother’s Day. Praying you have a wonderful day.
Thank you for this reminder that us motherless daughters are not alone on Mother’s Day. Praying you have a wonderful day.
Cuz the you have chosen to celebrate your mom is very touching and sweet . I love it! I have been thinking of you and your sisters as the holiday approach and praying that God give you a comforting heart and spirit. Even though she’s not here in the physical, God knows if spirts can can be amongst us, she will be spending her day between Texas and Mississippi with her Girls. I miss her too and whenever I go in my room where her picture is, she makes me laugh. I Love you and continue to do what comforts your heart. Happy Mothers Day!]
Sherley Dowls Fleming
For those of us who have walked this journey you are about to take. We can only say it will get better. I know it seems that your body, your mind and your heart are at war with each other. That’s because the pain for each one of them are different. But gradually they will come together and feel as one. There is no one way that we can grieve for our Mothers. They are the vessel that grew us, birthed us, then raised us. The love and loss we feel is endless.
So I will say this to you my dear. Remember her with all your might. She was a beautiful and humble woman. Who loved you with all she had. Each day will become manageable when you find yourself talking to her. Then answering your question with her voice. Now that happens to me and I smile when it does,. I love it! Happy Mothers Day!